It's Amazing How Quick the Grumbling Stopped

By Kathleen
(a working mother of three in California)

What's wrong with watching TV?  Not all day long, but properly monitored watching, limited in amount and filtered for content.  I used to think that I was a good parent because my kids could only watch short amounts of TV.  They couldn't watch the standard prime time sitcoms; they were relegated to cartoons or PBS shows.  How could that possibly be bad? They didn't sit glued in front of the tube for hours on end like the statistics suggest most kids do. They didn't get to watch shows with bad words or "adult situations."  How do those people who don't watch TV, (the ones with the bumper sticker that says "Kill your TV" on their Pacer), keep up anyway? 

Then, quite unexpectedly, finances dictated that the cable had to go for a while, I heard about how the development of kid's growing brains is skewed when they are passively watching TV. If what I had be en told was true, that the synapses in kid's brains connect improperly while they're glued to the tube, then monitoring for content and time spent was irrelevant. The winner of the debate really didn?t matter.  Monitored or not, without cable, we had no TV.

The first thing I learned from the absence of the TV was that the kids (who grumbled at first) immediately found other ways to spend their time.  Much more of my time was spent with three little ones circling nearby, asking questions like "how far away is the moon"...  "why do we have belly buttons"... and "are aliens really green?"

While the kids quickly and effortlessly filled the former TV time with activities like coloring, conversing or making concoctions, after they went to bed I had to decide what to do instead of watching Friends, Seinfeld, E.R. then the evening news, all capped off with The Tonight Show.  After the kids went to bed, I had four hours of time to fill. At first, I missed the routine of being "zoned out" after long days as a single working mother.  In less than two weeks I was already wondering how I ever had time to spend four hours in front of the TV doing NOTHING.  I caught up on much needed sleep by turning in earlier, caught up with old friends via phone or email, had the next day's needs out and ready, and read books; glorious, glorious books. And I was so much more relaxed. 

Now I smile at people's reactions when either I, or one of the kids responds:  "no, we haven't seen that ad; we don't watch TV."   People laugh, or look at you with googly eyes, or argue that you can't possibly mean that you don't have ANY TV.  The fastest way to grab their attention is to list the positives, like:  the want lists for the kids (and even for me) have decreased exponentially.  We aren't exposed to the marketers that tell us we're not popular, successful or pretty if we don't own, use, or wear whatever they're selling. 

I'm also quick to point out that monitoring is a non-issue:  I don't have to worry which underwear maker is going to show a totally inappropriate situation with emaciated pre-teens as something desirable.  I don't have to worry about the word choice of the shows and the ads that are supposedly in the family programming genre.  My kids dance like little children, however the nice music we choose moves them;  they don't gyrate their hips in seductive ways wearing pouty frowns.  They hold hands and fling around in a circle or pretend to ballroom dance amidst peels of laughter. 

Some Moms (especially those with pre-teens) tell me that the wish they could pull the plug, but their child(ren) simply wouldn't have it.  Perhaps therein lies the entire problem. 

They ask what we do instead of watching TV.  That's easy, we play scrabble, we make messes in the kitchen then we clean up, we listen to or make music, all three kids are reading much more now, and, yes, we watch an occasional movie, selected together as a family. I still help them with their baths and bed time routine although they are physically able to do it themselves, we do homework together, we read together, and always, we talk, we listen, and we eat every dinner together.

            One other common reaction is: how do you keep up with what's going on and what's current?  The response is easy:  if it's really important, I'll hear about it. It's amazing how that works, but it's true.  And as for the rest, I simply don't need it, which, of course, is the point.  My kids know about Pokemon and Brittany Spears, they just aren't obsessed with paying ten dollars for a trading card or wearing gobs of makeup. Is that bad? Are they really missing something?            

Sure, I've read some of the compelling scientific evidence that TV is physiologically harmful to developing brains (0 to 13 years), but the practical, day to day benefits of not having TV available in our house have given us all more time, more peace, and more opportunities to do what we should be doing with our families:  spending time interacting with one another.

The fact that every one of my kids' grades in school are up since the TV vanished is icing on the cake.

(If you have a question for Kathleen, email it to Questions@Benji.com)